Relationships - Advice & Insights for a Stronger Bond

Pornography frequently presents an incredibly inaccurate picture of real-life sex. We went directly to the source—a lady who performs in porn—for some practical porn sex-ed.

7 Sex Tips You Can Learn From Porn, According To A Pornstar

Let’s face it: If you want to get real, practical advice about enhancing your sex life, porn isn’t the best place to get it.

Amelia Goldix, an adult film star that specializes in body positive, LGBTQ, and kink pornography, says, "A lot of scenarios are ridiculous and made fun of—and for good reason." "However, a good number of them can get quite hot." 

Amelia notes that there's no right or wrong when it comes to sex, but there is a lot of inspiration to be found in porn. It's critical to keep in mind that you personalize it. Because the sex in porn isn't perfect sex, I would never advise somebody to mimic what they see. You can make sex seem anything you want it to. On the other hand, "drawing inspiration from what you've seen is totally fine and awesome."

Here, she gives her opinion on what should be left to the professionals and what lessons might be learned from porn.

Note that this is a direct and tangible piece of advice that should only be read by adults.

Now let's get started.

Focus on Foreplay—but Don’t Treat It Like a Deleted Scene

Porn may not be the greatest source material if you're looking for advice on how to win over women, as Amelia points out that the majority of it is quite penis-centric.

According to Amelia, most porn consists of only "two minutes of foreplay followed by, 'We're just f*cking now.'" That's not what the bodies of many individuals are capable of.

The components of porn production that go place behind the scenes are something you often overlook. The majority of studios don't depict the process of becoming lubricated, although there is a lot of preparation that is thought to be socially unacceptable. Although it's not really expected, that is really crucial.

Amelia stresses that many women need a lot more foreplay to get themselves warmed up for sex than what you see onscreen. “Bodies are very finicky sometimes and some of them require a lot of preparation; they need different levels of care. A lot of people, especially people who don’t have a lot of sexual experience, can look at porn and think, ‘Okay, this is how it’s supposed to happen.’” It’s not, so lay on the foreplay and listen to what she, and her body, are telling you.

Don’t Expect to Become a Marathon Man

All men could engage in many scenes and positions of sex for hours on end if it were like porn. That is utterly unrepresentative of reality.

 According to Amelia, "people, especially guys, think that getting into the porn industry is a really easy job. It's actually really difficult physically." Porn normalizes that kind of sexual endurance, but "it's important not to hold yourself up to those standards," she adds.

Although it may seem like a noble ambition, having sex like a porn star is unrealistic and not what women are seeking. "When it comes to maintaining their hardness for extended periods of time, male porn actors are pushed to extremely high standards.” Unless a woman has gained all of her knowledge about sex from watching porn,

Of course, if you’re actually having problems with premature ejaculation, here’s some practical advice about how to last longer in bed, and suggestions on improving your stamina during sex.

Make It About Her

If you want to use porn for sexual education, you need to change up your source material. There’s been a rise in many porn studios that cater to female-friendly porn that produce body-positive, feminist films. These films “focus more on oral sex or fingering—anything that’s not as penis-centric, which is really great to watch,” Amelia explains. “You get this idea drilled into your head that penis-in-vagina is what normal sex looks like, but it can be so much more. There’s such a wide breadth of things that derive sexual pleasure.”

So if you’re looking for practical inspiration, turn to pornography that’s produced by women, for women, and you’ll get a better idea of the variety of ways you can please a woman.

Communicate What You Want in Bed

Another thing you’re missing when you watch porn is the discussion that goes into producing a scene. Scenes are designed to look like the performers have gotten caught up in the moment, but everything is planned, scripted, and timed to ensure they’re getting the shots they need when they need them. That kind of scripting requires performers to be very communicative with each other about what they want, Amelia says.

“Communication is so key and super underrated,” Amelia says. “You should be able to say to your partner, ‘I’d like this done to me,’ or ‘This is the type of foreplay my body likes.’ That’s something I learned to become very good at because there’s a lot of negotiation that happens on set before shooting.”

That includes a discussion about what you want in your roleplay repertoire. “Communication can look like a really hot and steamy conversation before sex,” Amelia says. “It doesn’t have to be clinical. For me, there’s nothing hotter than hearing someone ask me, ‘Would you like me to do X, Y, Z to you?’”

Create a Safe Environment to Experiment and Role Play

“One of my favorite parts of my job is that working in porn is a great way to safely explore some of the things that you would never be able to find in your personal life,” Amelia says.

But on a more practical note, she’s also had the opportunity to discover aspects of her sexuality that she didn’t know she would like. “I hadn’t done any anal in my personal life and I discovered it in porn. There was definitely a lot of hesitation there, but the porn community is so great because they’ll talk so openly and so transparently about things that a lot of people are embarrassed or shy to talk about and it ended up being a really great experience for me.”

She encourages couples to explore fantasy scenarios that come up in porn to inspire their own experiences. “Not everyone’s into roleplay, but porn is a great place to draw roleplay inspiration because producers are constantly under pressure to think of new and original scenarios and sometimes some really creative stuff comes out,” Amelia says.

Create and Respect Boundaries

While exploration is encouraged, it’s okay to draw a line as well. “There’s definitely a difference between the things that I like and turn me on that I do in my personal life, and the things that I can pretend turn me on in porn,” Amelia admits.

For example: “A lot of women, I think, feel pressured to like ‘facials’ because you see so many facials in porn with a lot of women who look really pleased about it,” she says. “I’ve met people who do get turned on by it, but I’m not one of them.”

She explains that just because you see something normalized in porn doesn’t mean you’re failing sexually because you’re not into it. And just because she does like something in her personal life, doesn’t mean that all men or women should as well. “Anal is another thing that is extremely poorly represented in porn. A lot of people think it’s just, ‘Okay, well I can just stick my penis in this person’s ass and it’ll be fine.’” But, she explains, “the amount of warmup required for anal is severely underestimated. It’s also not for all bodies. Some people just don’t like it and no matter how many times they try it, it’s just not for them. And that’s okay.”

Always Play It Safe—in Bed and With STI Testing

Safety and consent are sexy, Amelia says. “I’m a big advocate for destigmatizing asking about things that may feel a little embarrassing to talk about because a lot of the times, they don’t end up being embarrassing.”

Furthermore, it’s a sign of professionalism.

“I cannot emphasize how important it is to ask for someone’s consent. And it can be turned into dirty talk or foreplay. If you’re feeling hesitant about asking your partner, for instance, ‘I’d like to try anal,’ or ‘I’d like to try this toy,’ you can incorporate that into a foreplay conversation,” Amelia suggests.

There is a perception that asking for permission is awkward, clinical, and difficult to discuss, but she notes that many people—particularly women—feel much more at ease and positive about their partners when they are aware that they are asking for permission. "That can get really hot. Do you like this? Do you want me to keep going?"

Amelia is also a strong supporter of responsible sexual behavior. "STI testing is strictly enforced in the porn industry. Every two weeks, we undergo testing for everything. While non-sex workers wouldn't have to worry about that, it's still vital to be aware of your status at all times and to make sure you're getting tested twice a year. is ideal for most people.”